Totally Ungrateful Missourian with Google Fiber Complains About Unsightly Cable Boxes


Warning: Prepare to be irritated by a bunch of ungrateful, Google Fiber-having Kansas City residents who don’t realize how gosh darn good they’ve got it.

A Fox news story out of Kansas City, MO, reports that residents of Roanoke and Valentine—residents lucky enough to reside in Google Fiber-outfitted areas, mind you—are complaining about—wait for it—the unsightliness of the above-ground cable boxes.

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Roanoke, Missouri

“This is the first aboveground utility box in Valentine and Roanoke’s 100 year history,” laments Roanoke resident Art Perry, who’s evidently never known what it’s like to have his crappy DSL connection shut down unannounced in the middle of a major project.

“We enlisted the neighborhood association to reach out to the local Google liaison, and she confirmed that the boxes were there to stay. And that’s just the way it’s gonna be…Can it be put in a less obvious place? Can it be buried?”

To be fair to Mr. Perry, some of the cable boxes in his community have been tagged with spray paint by vandals, and don’t exactly look fabulous. But with download and uploads speeds of 1 Gbps, does anyone with Google Fiber have a right to complain about a few cases of graffiti? Heck, I’d let a stranger spray paint my bedroom if it meant I didn’t have to wait a day to download the latest America’s Next Top Model episode.

As you might already know, Google Fiber is a project designed to give cities an infrastructure of fiber broadband connectivity, starting with Kansas City in 2011. The much-desired Google Fiber provides download/upload speeds of up to 1 Gbps, at a relatively inexpensive price. Cities across the U.S. are competitively vying for a spot on Google’s fiber installation list.

Therefore, in short, we do not sympathize with Mr. Perry, and the other disgruntled residents of Roanoke and Valentine. “One of the most innovative, forward thinking companies on the planet…this is what they do to a neighborhood,” Mr. Perry said.

Yeah, whatever.